Walrus's Psychotinary

355/113: Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!
667: the neighbor of the beast.
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Acting: the art of keeping the audience from coughing.
Adolescence: when children start bringing up their parents.
Adultery: the application of democracy to love.
Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Alimony: the screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Alone: In bad company.
Anarchy: better than no government at all.
Anthropologists: people that do it with culture.
Antonym: the opposite of the word you're searching for.
Archaeologists: people who take sedimental journeys.
Archaeology: the only profession where your future lies in ruins.
Archeologists: people that do it with mummies.
Architecture: the art of how to waste space.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Assassins: people that do it from behind!
Assembly line workers: people that do it over and over.
Atheism: a non-profit organization.
Atheism: a non-prophet organization.
Atheist: someone who has no invisible means of support.
Bachelor: a man who never makes the same mistake once.
Bacteria: rear entrance to a cafeteria.
Bankers: people that do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawal.
Barium: what you do with dead chemists.
Barometer: an ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Because: the ultimate reason.
Being politically correct means always having to say you're sorry.
Berserkers: people that do it without thinking.
Bill of Rights: Void where Prohibited by Law.
Black holes: where God is dividing by zero.
Bodybuilder: someone who is fit for nothing.
Boredom: the desire for desires.
Boy Scouts: army with adult supervision.
Boy Scouts: people that do it in the woods.
Breaking the rules: testing their elasticity.
Budget: a method for going broke methodically.
Bug: a hidden and seldom used feature.
Canoe: New with a K in front.
Carpenters: just plane folks.
Cat: a nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf.
Cat: proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad.
Cat: proof that not everything in nature has a function.
Celibacy: most unnatural of perversions.
Change: something inevitable, except from vending machines.
Child: a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Children: aren't sleeping, but recharging!
Children: the most common sexually transmitted disease.
Clean desk: a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Cleanliness: next to clean-limbed, according to Webster's.
Clear conscience: usually the sign of a bad memory.
Clever: someone who can get out alive.
Climate: what we expect; weather: what we get.
Clones: people II.
Cloning: the sincerest form of flattery.
Command: A suggestion made to a computer.
Committee: a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.
Concorde: Breakfast in London, Lunch in New York, Luggage in Bombay.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
CONgress: opposite of PROgress.
Conscience: something that doesn't prevent sin, but only prevents from enjoying it.
Conscience: the inner voice warning somebody is looking.
Conscience: what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Coward: a hero with a wife, kids and a mortgage.
Cute and interesting: two different things.
Cynic: one who, when smelling flowers, looks around for a cemetery.
Cynic: smells the flowers and looks for the coffin.
Dating: Social Anxiety.
Dead: electroencephalographically challenged.
Death: 100 lemmings can't be wrong.
Death: 30,000,000,000 people can't be wrong.
Death: a nonmaskable interrupt.
Death: a once in a lifetime experience.
Death: doctor's way of telling you "your table is ready".
Death: God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death: God's way of telling you "your coffin is ready".
Death: life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death: never prevented... just postponed.
Death: the mere consequence of being alive.
Deja Moo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Delays: created while you wait.
Democracy: a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Desire: an only one-way street.
Desk: a large wastebasket with drawers and a phone.
Digression: the better part of Valium.
Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before.
Dilate: What happens when you live too long.
Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Diplomacy: saying "nice doggie' until you find a rock.
Diplomat: someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you happy to be on your way.
Diplomat: someone who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Discoveries: made by not following instructions.
Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.
Documentation: The worst part of programming.
Dogs: animals coming when you call; cats: animals with answering machines.
Dope: much more readily available than hope.
Doubt: the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.
Drugs: the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
Dry Ice: A Carbon Dioxymoron.
Dust: a protective coating for fine furniture.
E-I-E-I-O: actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm".
Editing: a rewording activity.
Electric chair choice: Regular or Extra Crispy
Electrical engineer: one who deals with current events.
Electricians: people that do it until it Hertz!
Elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
Elephant: a mouse with an operating system.
Eternal nothingness: fine if you're dressed for it.
Expense Accounts: corporate food stamps.
Experience: A name we give to our mistakes.
Experience: something that teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.
Experience: something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience: what you get when you don't get what you want
Facts: stubborn things.
Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.
Farfrompoopin: German word for constipation.
Feature: a bug with seniority.
Firemen: people that do it with a big hose.
First strike: a pre-emptive counter-attack.
Flattery: the art of telling another exactly what he thinks of himself.
Floppy: the state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Fool-proof: implies a finite number of fools.
Ford: For Old Retired Dudes
Forewarned: forearmed.
Freedom: Chaos, with better lighting.
Freudian slip: when you mean one thing and say your mother.
Friend: someone who likes you even after they know you.
Fun: just a point of view.
Genealogy: tracing descent from someone who didn't.
Gigabytes: more desirable than Mosquitobytes.
Good organizer: one who is careful to plan ahead.
Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
Half of being smart: knowing what you're dumb at.
Happiness: a *big* hard drive!
Hardware: the part you kick.
Heck: created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
Hen: an egg's way of making another egg.
Hiroshima: the first city lighted by nuclear power.
History: a lie commonly agreed upon.
Honest politician: one who STAYS bought!
Honesty: the best policy unless you're an exceptionally good liar.
Honesty: the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Human Being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.
I.R.S.: we've got what it takes to take what you've got!
Ignorance: something that can last temporary; stupidity: something that can last forever.
Ignorance: the Mother of Adventure.
Ikea: Swedish for long line-ups.
Imagination: the foundation of reality.
Indifference: evil's body-guard. Without it, evil would have to do a much better job of hiding.
Indifference: the universal currency of this world.
Inflation: a result of legalized counterfeiting.
Inflation: when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
Jack of all trades: master of none.
Jello: something that can be violent in the wrong hands.
Junk: stuff we throw away; stuff: junk we keep.
Jury: a group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Justice: a decision in your favour.
Juveniles: little rivers which run into the Nile.
Keyboard: device used to enter errors into the computer.
Language: A system of organizing and defining syntax errors.
Laughter: the closest distance between two people.
Laws are like bones, they're made to be broken.
Lawyers: people that do it in their briefs.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
Leading authority: someone lucky who guessed right.
Lemmings: animals that don't grow older, they just die.
Lie: terminological inexactitude.
Life: a beach where then you drown.
Life: a glitch in the universal program; death: just the programmer's way of debugging.
Life: a package from the Unabomber and you never know what you're gonna get.
Life: a terminal disease.
Life: a trip where you run out of Travelers' Checks.
Life: raisin bran with few raisins and lots of bran.
Logarithm: the little book to keep track of fertile days.
Loop, endless: see Endless loop.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
Lottery: a tax on people who don't understand statistics.
LOTUS: Let Only The Users Suffer
Love: having to say you're sorry every 5 minutes.
Malice: merely stupidity raised to a higher power.
Man: not complete until he is married, then he is finished.
Manager: does the thing right: leader: does the right thing.
Manuals: Never has so much been so confused by so many.
Marketing: sales with a college education.
Marriage: not a word but a sentence.
Marriage: one of the chief causes of divorce.
Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature.
Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.
Men: just like toilets, the good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit.
Microsoft Windows: a virus with mouse support.
Military intelligence: a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Mind: a terrible thing to taste.
Minds: like parachutes, they only work when open.
MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Miser: hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
Miss: as good as a mile.
Monday: an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Monday: the root of all evil.
Mondays: the potholes in the road of life.
Money: the root of all evil. Send $30 for more info.
Money: the root of all wealth.
Monotheism: a gift from the gods
Mosquito: designed by God to make flies seem better.
Mouse: an advanced input device to make computers errors easier to generate.
Mouse: an elephant built by the Japanese.
Multitasking: reading in the bathroom.
Narrow-minded: possessing the ability to see through a keyhole with both 2 eyes.
Networks: computing method of shared blame.
Networks: what fishermen do when not fishing.
Night: a day without sunshine.
No carrier: a Naval Aviator's worst nightmare!
Not dead, just people of special metabolism.
Nuns: people that do it out of habit.
Obscenity: something existing to shock the elderly.
Once, adverb: Enough.
One man's magic: another man's engineering; supernatural is a null word.
One man's theology: another man's belly laugh.
Opportunity: something that always knocks at the least opportune time.
Optimism: waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
Optimist: someone who doesn't know all the facts yet.
Paramedics: doctors who jump out of helicopters with parachutes.
Paranoia: the suspicion that others are conspiring behind your back to *help* you.
Paranoid: a man who knows a little of what's going on.
Patience: something that will come to he who waits for it.
Patriotism: willingness to kill or die for trivial reasons.
Pedestrian: the most approachable chap in the world.
Pedestrians: people coming in 2 types, quick or dead.
Pen: something mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink.
Person: someone known by the company he keeps.
Pessimist: people that is right too much.
Pessimist: someone never disappointed.
Phoneless cord: for people who like peace and quiet.
Photographers: people that do it in the dark.
Picture: something worth 500 to 1500 words depending on how good looking you are.
Plagiarism: stealing ideas from one source; research: stealing ideas from two or more.
Polaroids: what polar bears get from sitting on icecaps.
Politicians: people that do it with everyone.
Politicians: people that promise to build a bridge where there is no river.
Politics: poli = many, tics = blood sucking parasites.
Posterity: a very long time.
Praise: what you receive when you are no longer alive.
Printer: device to generate computer errors on paper.
Procrastination: never having to say you're sorry.
Profanity: the one language all programmers know best.
Professor: one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Programmers: people that do it with their fingers.
Prune: a plum that has seen better days.
Psychiatry: the care of the id by the odd.
Psychoceramics: the study of crackpots.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may just be happy.
Puritans: the awful price of purity.
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
RAM: Rarely Adequate Memory.
Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Real friend: someone who would feel loss if you jumped on a train, or in front of one.
Reality is all a point of view.
Reality: a crutch for people who can't handle drugs or science fiction.
Reality: a figment of your imagination.
Reality: an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency.
Reality: fantasy gone stale.
Reality: that part of the imagination we all agree on.
Reality: world with a lack of background music
Repetition: something always better the second time.
ROM: a RAM after a delicate operation.
Rotisserie: a Ferris wheel for chickens.
RTFM: Read The F------ Manual!
Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home.
Scuba divers: people that do it deeper.
Secrecy: the beginning of tyranny.
Seven Deadly Sins: all the good stuff in a short list!
Shower: the halfway point between bed and world.
Sick Pay: ill-gotten gains.
Signature: something that reveals a man's character, and sometimes even his name.
Silence: one great art of conversation.
Silence: one of the most effective forms of communication.
Silence: Vangelis unplugged.
Skier: someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
Skill: the plural of luck.
Skydiving: good 'till the last drop.
Sleep: a poor substitute for caffeine.
Slob: victim of a dysfunctional wastebasket.
Smith and Wesson: the only thing that beats four aces.
Smoking: one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoreplay: What Smurfs do before they smuck.
Snails' pace: 0.00758 mph.
Socialism: the equal distribution of poverty.
Star Trek XXVII: The Search for Shatner's Teeth.
Staring competition: Medusa-18901 Opponents-0
Status Quo: Latin for the mess we're in.
Stupidity: the best defense against logic.
Suicidal twin: a guy who kills brother by mistake.
Suicide: the most sincere form of self-criticism.
System update: a quick method of trashing *all* your software.
T-shirts: place where all true wisdom are found.
Tagline fever: the primary symptom of the Blue Wave epidemic!!
TANSTAAFL: There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.
Taste: the only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer.
Television: a medium. Because it is neither rare nor well done.
Television: proof that people will look at anything except each other.
Terrorists: tourists with guns.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Thieves: people that do it under cover.
To be a teenager: throw yourself of a cliff and after dead know that to fly is for the birds!
Today: the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Today: an excellent day to have a rotten day.
Today: the first day of the rest of the mess.
Tomorrow is another day, but it'll suck too.
Tourism: things to see and people to do.
Tourists: terrorists with cameras.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die.
Transistor: sibling opposite of transbrother.
True friends: people that always stab you in the front.
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
TTFN: Thank Thor Friday Nears!
TV: chewing-gum for the eyes.
TV: place where all life's answers are.
University: a fountain of Knowledge... and the students are there to drink.
UNIX: The Operating System that makes you go Hmmm...
User: a technical term used by computer pros. See idiot.
Vacation: the only thing shorter than a weekend.
Variety is the spice of life.
Veni, vidi, visa: I came, I saw, I shopped.
Vicars: people that do it with amazing grace.
Virtual: means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
Virtue is it's own punishment.
Vuja De: the feeling you'll be here later.
Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Wench: What you use to turn the head of a dolt.
Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time.
Work is for those who have nothing better to do.
Zoophiles: people that enjoy a good piece of tail.